I expected that I'm happy
but the truth is,
I can't.
I pretended to be anything
whole my life
I guess i did
and the consequence is
I've been a social outcast
I want to be regarded as saccharine
but that's only an useless imagination.
IN reality,
I did all those as a sin.
I hide my tragedy behind my marrow bones
which is easily hurt
Enemies everywhere
I found myself can't fight anymore
the more I hide the sadness,
the more painful I am.
Especially my family.
the one who destroys my family relationship
the one who lives in our house like a dickhead
the one who will never get married
the one who always like a stubborn hippo
the one who makes his eyes look downward and nose up into the sky
the one who will never listen to his siblings especially his brother's advises
he's my second uncle.
no he'll not be my uncle anymore
I don't want either.
I want him to get out and stay away from my family
He wants us
when he's getting in trouble about HIS estate
He leaves us behind like a damn shit
when he gets profits from his estate
which we found out he'd been cheated.
The land is supposed to belong to my grandpa
my grandpa is a bullshit stupid that he GAVE 3 out of 4 of the land to someone who shouldn't owned that land.
He gave all the money to his friends rather than his family.
That's why his sons and daughters were not well-educated.
Grandma received 13 children from God.
4 sons and 9 daughters
Only my dad and the eldest uncle
who is death in the age of 20 something
went out of the village where they belonged to the big city
where they gained many useful experiences
and being cheated by their friends about the money
and the land.
My eldest uncle died because of that stupid second uncle
he asked my eldest uncle to come back home as soon as possible
as he's working hard in the big city.
On the way he came back,
he met a nasty accident and crushed down by a big lorry.
I know it's his destiny
But it shouldn't happen.
that's why shit happened.
And now my dad was in a big red head
angry about the bullshit second uncle
about the trouble he had made
Someone wanted to rent the estate
which had been built into a wide restaurant
signed three years contract
and made a deal with a 10 grands [deposit]
He was greedy for the money and agreed quickly.
Each month before 7th
they have to pay the rental
However
they ran the business well
for a few months.
Within a year
they failed to follow the rules and regulations
that they have to pay the rental
for each month
They failed to pay it for 4 months
which can gain more than 10 grands
The dickhead didn't even wanna let us know
and he didn't even wanna lodge the report
Until the problems got bigger
then he told us about it.
I would like to punch him
But I can't
4 months gone,
the problem settled down because of my parents helps.
The stupid him was like he's the one who solve these things.
He hung out and told his dog friends about these
that these problem were solved by his friends but not his brother
He made his brother like his friends
I want to punch him for more
After the problem solved,
my dad forced him to leave my house
to live in his own estate
and never come back.
yesterday
I attended a dinner which is called
Installation dinner
that was organized by other school
because I'm the Interact member
and my friends represented our school attended the dinner.
Dinner was not more than a normal dinner
but like a wedding dinner
some of them dressed more formal than a bride
they put on their makeup and blinked their eyes
with the mascara and thick eyelashes and lipstick or whatever
and their high heels
was boom
the dinner more than a wedding dinner
but there's no brides
it began from 5.30 p.m. and ended up 8.00p.m.
I wore like an auntie
light pink faded-strips, non-collar hang with many false pearls
and also a normal jeans.
When I reached there,
I felt like I didn't belong to there
because I was born in a poor family.
However, I walked in and sat underneath the air-con
which made me freeze after sometime with my friends, Foo.
My other friend, Ng held her birthday party at her house.
And some of us have been hesitated about whether we're going
or not.
So we decided to attend the party after the dinner.
At first,
Foo wanted me to send her home because she had no one get her home.
After we decided to go for the party,
she had to call for another person to get her.
Kinda sorry for her.
After the dinner,
I went to the party.
She was surprised.
She had been invited all of her friends to go for the party.
Sadly,
only a few of them confirmed.
Neither of us.
She was upset.
So, we wondered to give her a surprise with a gift.
tho not all of the students she'd been invited attending her party.
She was wealth and rich
She wore like in the dinner
A few feet taller than me than usual
like the people in the dinner
They're having a fun time together.
But me,
I felt like I didn't belong to there again
Therefore,
I phoned my parents to get me before arriving the party
by 9 o'clock.
They waited me outside the house
Like I was a bad girl
who didn't even notice that her parents' waiting for her outside
At the same time,
my friends were singing the Happy birthday song for her
which then I wasn't enough time to say good-bye to her.
So, i went off.
I thought back
kinda frustrated I didn't get that rich like them
dress like them.
My mom convinced me
but it's won't help
I don't wanna go there anymore
It made feel down.
[Libby's in blue]
