Father

" I just lit a cigarette and I'll talk a little about myself, about what I spent on the people I loved most, the disappointments, joys and unforgettable of the few who have already spent. When I was only 2 years old, my father split up and I went to live with my mother and my mother promised my father that I would never be like him and would do anything to get away from it. I was little, knew nothing of what was happening and increasingly I was farthest from my father he barely knew and talked about things so much that I ended up believing it, but you know, if I saw him once a month and spent one day with him was too much. But those moments spent with him today I see that were so sincere, that time I was four years, it was preferred to go out and get an ice cream with my mother, or win the gifts she gave me, you idiot! I grew up, got seven years and I felt strong enough to face everyone and had an audience, I arrived at the forum with my mother dropped her and ran to hug my father, when interviewed said the psychologist convinced me that he wanted to live with my father and everything that my mother had to get away from him when I got home, and I can still remember my grandfather on his mother's locked me in the back room of the waiver and said that if I did not change his attitude and wanted to live with my mother, he would hit me, would do horrible things to me and my father, I was locked up there until the morning alone, and I felt like crap, I wept and trembled with fear, until the time I called my dad at 4 o'clock in the morning talking he no longer wanted to live with him, loved him more than he asked for help and in the end they had left me locked up, took the phone from my hand and hung up, I had no more strength to do anything. My father on the other hand, today I wonder what was the size of his desperation, he tried to go there, call the police, but could do nothing. And what happened this episode was just one of over 100 different and much worse things that have happened. And even saying that I wanted to live with my father for the psychologist, once again the judge decided that I would continue living with my mother. But do not stop fighting. And even with everything that happened that were to separate me from my father never could, perhaps, was a bond that we had not only father and son, but best friends. My father was always my hero, my refuge, that I knew I could count on when everything was finished, I knew he would be there with me. I remember to this day that he went every day in my leisure hours at school, so I could look frestinha the gate, and pass me a bag of honey cakes, which I loved. Because when my mother threatened to exit the school intercom that if he let him speak to my father, would make him be dismissed because she was a friend of the director. I do not know about it without getting emotional, is, I'm crying, how difficult it is to remember that this time I'll continue writing, I will not stop here. I remember all the times that came from afar where he lived at the gate of the house of my 8 o'clock, the time that my mother had not come from work, just to say "Son, I love you, never forget it" and make a delicious pie that sold the portion Magica. And the ANC and the new year, that all his family traveled, and he stayed home alone, just for when you arrive the night trying to go in the gate of my mother's house to give me and my cousins ​​Merry Christmas with my mother forbid me to I go talk to him, it did not happen once, it was more than eight Christmases he spent alone, just to try to talk to me, just trying to give me a kiss and could have been very few times. It was getting my 10 years of age and I was afraid of my mother, and I loved her even with everything she did. I already understood a little of what happened. He had another audience, and I thought this time I'll be stronger, and I'll do, you'll end up with all these problems, I want to see who will put me afraid. Then one day before the hearing my mother came to me, apologized, cried, said he would let me see my father, it all she did was for my good, and that if I did not say he wanted to live with her need not ever talk to her she would be very upset. As I got confused with all that my mother did, I was so afraid of losing her, and I knew if I said I wanted to live with it for my father, he would not be upset with me, nor hurt, because I trusted it, and above all, I always knew he would never give up on me, and that he wanted the baby, even if far or near it. Yeah, remember that and I feel an idiot for having spoken at the hearing that he wanted to live with my mother, were more than eight years of fighting in court and when I had the chance, I wasted. But know that nothing could separate my friendship with my father apologized to him, talked and everything was fine. He told me: - Son, you wanna try again? I do not know how, but we can enter another process, will only be time consuming. And I said - But I wasted the best chance we had. And he replied: - We must never give up our happiness, we're in this together. And then we continue the battle. Over two years have passed, I was coming to my 13 years, and I could not stand that hell every day with my mother, could not stand it. One day later, I rebelled, and said he would live with my father and that she would not stop me, I packed my backpack, I took the things I had and went to sleep, said that after the school was going to live with my father. I woke up, my everything was gone, nothing was in my backpack. I went to my mother's room and woke her angry and said, give me my bag now. And just so we discussed. She tried to scream, tried to hit me, tried to cry, tried to make an all, but I've had 10 years experience, was not so easy to convince me that way, and she was not stronger than me. I remember it was then that I realized that I was much stronger than I thought and I could handle it. I say strong not only physically, but was more experienced, knew the truth, I understood what was her game. She did not know what else to do, then said: If it is to live with his father, who never come back. Wow, I marked those words, remember that scene today, but I do not shot down, leave the house and slammed the door . I took a bus and called my dad crying, my father met me, I was desperate, I was so angry with her ​​that I felt strong as the Hulk. And he as always, the only one who could calm me down, he said: Son, it's okay, I'm here. And soon I was calming myself. Desdai two years I have lived here with my father and my mother never contacted me or my grandmother or my uncles, one of her family over to me. I believe that if she really cared, she would call me or I look for in the first months up fine, but two years, you know TWO years and she even called to ask how I was, or if I needed something. In the first six months, I felt really miss her, and mingled with all the problems of adolescent relationships, with all I had in mind, I got involved with drugs, started smoking, because the minute that I was smoking all disappeared and it was so good that I forgot everything. Came home and cut myself, I have hundreds of scars on the leg today, because I was afraid that my father or some friend of mine saw me and it is thought, or Seila, thought I was crazy or something. I'm used to it over time, and I stopped smoking, I stopped cutting. And as always I was ignoring my feelings, I was putting aside the things that I felt, and as always ... accepting.

this whole story that I passed, I did not write it to feel pity or judge me. My story is just one more, is not the worst story was not life more difficult in the world that I had, but I admit it was not easy. I wrote it all, just say one thing ... Life is not easy, life is not fair and there is no victory without struggle, there is no easy happiness. If you want something, you have to fight it, fight as if the world was ending, fight with all your strength, you have to rely on itself. Do not do things just to please others or to be the "bonzão" do things you think are good for you, you arrive at night, put his head on the pillow and think ... I gave the best I could from me today, tomorrow I'll be much better than that. "