Malacca

Yesterday
Me & mom went to Malacca
As I decided to buy the book
TWILIGHT SAGA:  BREAKING DAWN
I brought only $50
i knew it wasn't enough for me to spend for a whole day in Malacca
In such case,
dad gave mom $100
and by the way,
dad was kinda mental-sick and flu recently
so he didn't come with us.
We departed from the bus stop at 8 o'clock in the morning.

Arrived at Malacca
it's too early
even did the shopping center workers still hadn't arrive yet.
We went into the market which located just beside the Malacca central
Mom had her second breakfast
while me,
having a coffee
the coffee was not that tasty and kinda suck
Then, we had to figure it out
how to reach Mahkota Parade and Pahlawan shopping center
The worst part was
we had walked the whole Malacca central to search the direction to it
we both know we hadn't been there before even for once,
we didn't remember how we reach there.
Asked people with different answers and opinions
how do we gonna reach there!?
at first
we thought it's just not far from the bus stop.
So decided to walk to it
but then,
we decided to take on board because we asked the last person
she said it's pretty far
her expression to answer one person was like asshole
like we need to pay money for her to answer it
f**k no
"thank you"
that's all mom said to her and walked away
Just then
we both were making decision
we knew that the bus we need at that time might not be in time
so we kinda started our walking journey
just in 5 secs
I saw there's a bus to reach there
we rushed out to take seats in it
the mini bus
damn
it's too mini
even with the bus driver was short and mini
the passengers won't come together with the driver
there's a seat behind me
beside a group of noisy asshole
a girl seemed so angry took the seat on it as the driver got mad at them
and I was like out of oxygen to take a breath
I CAN'T BREATHE!
the tragedy was
when the bus turned to left or right
the bus produced a sound which terrified me
the bus was like going to fall
the accident!
omg no no
it did scare me.
so much
as soon as we reach the shopping center
all of us rushed out like a busy bee chasing a naughty boy

those discounts in the shopping center grab mom's attention
and I just stood behind her
followed her step to look for nothing
as you know
I have no money to buy those shirt and shoes
I have to buy the book with these money I have.
Almost every shop we went into
we didn't buy anything
because we didn't want to buy it even it's in a big discount
but I promised I will go there to shop because the prizes were cheap as hell
cheaper then the prizes sold in Jusco and Tesco

The Popular bookstore .
my favorite
the book
breaking dawn
costed $50
as much as I have
mom disagreed at first
but then she said it's up to me
so I bought it
I have been waiting for a long time to own that book

before we reached the bookstore
as we walked the whole bus stop
had made me hungry as hell
So,
for lunch
in the shopping center food court
I've committed a stupidity
to order Nasi Lemak
which tasted like dumb
yulk
costed $6.37 damn
even more expensive than usual
of course
i know
it's normal prize in the big city like this
I won't care for the cost but the taste the texture
I didn't wanna eat McDonald this time
I didn't know why

forget it
as long as I had bought the book home
:>

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part II

MY FAVORITE!  I'm waiting for it! 11.16.12 THIS IS IT!1!1
 
Ok I wasn't likely wanna talk about my camp last week today. WHy?
because there's still four weeks left the exam approaches to me. damn it. oh yeah. exam again. I think that everything I posted here throughout the year, part of it were about my exam. Isn't? Maybe.
I'll share my camp at Pendang Lake Resort, Kedah after the exam. I SWEAR. So it's means I have to OFF for doing revision for about a month. I think . Because I know I won't let my PC all alone a month like that. hehe

The day full of sadness.

Today,
I supposed to be happier than yesterday
because I'm alive.
I supposed to feel that I'm the lucky one
who has a sweet family that I can't live without.
I supposed that mom and dad ain't happy
about the 4-day camp
that is far far away from here.
A couple days left,
the camp I'm going.
I've gone many camps before
that even further than this camp.
"Don't you ever go to any camp again,
after this camp.
I won't allow you to go anywhere else or any camping activities."
I nodded under the compromise.
I knew it may affect my study
I'm off 'cause of camp for about a week.
I may lost every lessons
next week.
I knew.
Only wanna get the certificate,
it's the last camp I have to go.
The last time. 
Never and ever,
again.
I don't know
that I've made 'em worry.
So worry about me.
I ain't blame 'em.
but I blame myself.
Maybe it's too early
to leave 'em.
just to explore
just to gain knowledge
that's all I want from this camp.

And today,

I supposed to wash away the past that I've undergone through
that made me lived in dizziness, panic, loneliness,...
dizziness of trying to blame myself.
about how ugly I am
about how disgusting I am
about how stupid I am
about how damn I am
that I think
I am a slut.
I am a asshole.
I am a fat bitch.
I am an idiot.
I am a dick-head.
And I think a slut like me,
shouldn't exist in the world.
I ain't going to commit suicide.

I ain't figure it out
what the hell
that made me think of something like these.
Now,
the only thing in my mind is,
lonely.
I am all alone.
Mom and dad only want the best for me.

they only think that money will make all of us happy
and Of course it will.
As you know,
I am the only daughter.
Alone stays aside of me since the day I was born.
I want to find my own.
everything of my own.
Change,
I want to change.
Any changes I want to have,
may be impossible
for mom and dad.
they don't like it.
how can I?

I wondered how those fat pretty girls
have boyfriend...
dammit.
'If happy ever after did exist,
I wish still be holding you like this...."
just fuck that
All those fairy tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick.

Maybe I'm too stupid in love
everything about love.
I did help people settle down love things
What about myself???
never.
ha
ha
I won't probably fall in love with anyone else in this age.
because none of 'em suits me
you can say that
I'm stubborn.
because I'm
so just deal with it.

watched twilight
breaking dawn part I
imagined again
I want to the vampire
I can't
it's too much
I'm drowning
waiting for part II

I'm addicted,
to vampire drug.

[Libby's drowning.]