The most beautiful calendar design ( for my Art Work)

Ideas of calendar design:

http://www.behance.net/gallery/2012-Pop-up-Calendar/2621109
http://www.behance.net/gallery/2013-Pop-up-Calendar-2-Themes/6118273
http://www.behance.net/gallery/Planet-Calendar-2013/4414883





Bike posture:
 




Font : suggested website
http://www.beautiful-graphics.com/2013/02/fonts-big-collection-february-2013.html


http://aext.net/2009/08/make-a-most-beautiful-tags-cloud-on-over-the-world-with-facelift-and-jquery/

Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, “I really love you”. They’re just talking or humming or watching a movie or reading a book or laughing or something, and there’s something about them in that moment—their body is alive, there’s a light in their eyes, something—that makes you think, “I just really love you.” It’s a weird sensation to think this, but it’s pretty awesome that we can feel this way about another being.

...

day and night
I am always tired

but at night
I stay up just late enough
until I am exhausted enough
until I can fall into my bed
and into immediate slumber

because I can't stand
to lie in my bed in a dark room
alone with my thoughts
for so many hours

If if die tomorrow.

If I die tomorrow
know that although I was never truly happy
my life brought me much happiness

from bonding with my grandma
to my mother's unconditioned love for me
and sometimes even my father's jokes

my reckless actions with my friends
long nights under the stars camping
grass stain on my knee after games
and chilling dips in the lake

know that I loved many things
getting soaked in the rain just for fun
eating scrumptious food until I couldn't breathe
feeling my muscle relax as I went to sleep

if I die tomorrow
and you are reading this
know that you made me happy
and you will always be important to me

Butt cracked

The not well-planned I.U night program had postponed for a couple months.
which means the program's not going to work in this year.
Next year.
I finally can find sometime to relax myself.
really enjoy my holidays.
This might pissed me off at first but I released the hatred on myself
basically by watching movies.
almost 4 movies I'd watched within 3 days.
pretty cool ha~
my butt cracked.
Chatting with my friends
Laughing every day
Well,
i'm pretty sad and kinda happy about the delay of the program
I thought it will ended up with nothing
after what I've done so much to make this program work
And they won't accept it.
but even if they accept it,
I have no time on my holidays and gonna work even harder to succeed
-sad-
Happy because I can have my own holidays after delaying the program
And I gotta chance to finish my story books that I've bought 'em for at least a couple years.
I ain't got chance to read 'em next year...
even starting from next month
tuition, folio, everything needed to prepare for next year
the only one year for me to test myself how far I've gone through in the study journey.
How much I've learnt in my 13-year studies.
I felt that i'm gonna give up on this....
my strong soul
come out.
I need you no matter wherever I am
I need it
I gotta be strong
strange and strong and weirdo
man please.
I always wish for these...

†††††††††††

After 4 weeks of torturing myself,
facing in front of those higgledy-piggledy revision books which made my desk messy,
I finally got myself freed from the insalubrious exams.
However,
I couldn't feel well.
Headache....
No treatment.
no free-of-charge massage..
My English test only get an A.
but I wanted A+ so badly.
my maths, no .. I'm too careless... damn
I dreamed every subject,.... A+
Stop dreaming Libby...
Stop dreaming
I had another program to run
which is now I'm preparing and making me dizzy.
It may leads me to a concussion.

Ever since I had lots of dreams,
I couldn't feel the real me.
I wished I would have escaped away from those impossible dreams.
But I still couldn't resist it.
I even put myself into the dreams
wasted my time on daydreams
and I had several Deja vu within a day
I didn't realize it but it's true
I wished I would have come back and stop it
But I couldn't
Dreams
why couldn't stop it..
I felt like there's someone who's controlling my mine
but it's my brain
It's supposed to be me as the commander of my brain
the dreams popped out every single day
daydreams, nightmares,
1 out of ten are sweet dreams
I wanted more sweet dreams instead of nightmares
It sort of like I'd put myself into danger when I have the daydreams
I knew it wouldn't come true
there's lots of but even if I knew what had happened to me of having such ridiculous dreams.
Well,
I think again
those dreams were sort of amazing  because it won't come true
As a human being,
I was kinda curious about how human can have dreams
and that made me think I'm a normal human.
but not abnormal
sometimes.. paranormal happened

The program is I.U night which is International Understanding Night

We, Interact club directors had our meeting in this morning.
I felt something's wrong with it.
I ain't gonna give up
I could feel the disagreement lived within them
I ain't gonna compromise about that
I know I have to take the responsibility as a I.U director.
I know this program is fully in charged by I.U director but I have to be humble.
I gotta ask permissions and opinions from my president and vice president of the club.
I know the risks of using " France" as the theme of the I.U night
The budget might be more than what I've imagined.
I wanna put a lot of afford on it no matter what.
I could see through their eyes
that they think it's too risky, used up a lot of money,a lot of burden we need to take
they could have shouted out if I'm not their friends,
they could have disagreed with me from the early day.
but they're my friends,
I ain't gonna let them down.
"France", the first time I took it as a theme of the occasion
It's cultures,cuisines, a lot of work needed to be done.
They seem to giving up on me
I felt a bit of disappointment.
It's like 7 years of this Interact club had been existed in my school.
I just wanna do something that makes me remember it forever.
you'll feel very special of something that you've done.
I could feel they'd criticized me without showing it out.
their actions, their expressions,
I know it.
I've made myself lived in the sorrow and grief.
At first,
they suggested the theme of " Halloween"
Well, I definitely disagreed of it
there's a lot of paranormal activities going on in my school.
They witnessed it
don't they wanna repeat it?
by the way.
this program organized to invite other school to join us at night.
I won't let them down to witness such horrible things in my school
If then, I have no idea how am I going to face them after that.

Well
I gotta get back to work,slide shows all these stuff
gonna throw a party if I succeed,
gonna face it if I failed.
I'll upload the photos after the I.U night which is held on 17 November.
Good Luck

something needs to be prepared

Sorry for inconvenience I've made.
 I know that I've been like a month
 left my blogger behind
 my Internet connection kinda suck recently.
 Luckily God gave me a chance today
to be online in Facebook as well as my Twitter.

I didn't upload any of my birthday pics
I have no time to spend on that.

Besides,
exams' around the corner.
I need a long time to do revision
tho I knew I'm not very good in my jotting-down-notes things
but as long as I try
and I'm willing to try
After a couple weeks gone
my pee will burst out without doing any revision.
damn true.
I decided to be a hardworking-girl-at home
instead a lazy-girl-in the school.
I rather stay home than chatting with my friends
talking non-sense in the school.
I rather have time with my family while studying
than in school
I know I'm wicked and nasty.
but I'm telling the truth.
whenever I see my friends,
I can't stop laughing and chatting with them.
this is the facts and the obstacles.
 So maybe I shall stop here by now.
homework make me stressed.
and revision make me eyesore & headache.
damn that's right.
However,
I manage to get a better result than the past one.
Even with a little improvement
It will make me proud enough.

Girls

Robert Pattinson: “If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.”

Turning page

I've waited a hundred years,

But I'd wait a million more for you.

Nothing prepared me for,

What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch.

If I had only seen how you smile when you blush.

Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough.

Oh I would've known what I was living for all along.

What I've been living for.

Your love is my turning page,

Where only the sweetest words remain.

Every kiss is a cursive line.

Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I've been for who you are,

Nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.

If I had only felt how it feels to be yours

Oh I would've known what I've been living for, all along

What I've been living for.

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,

When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well.

With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas,

Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees.

childhood

the cutest cycle I've ever seen

true

u know?

House

remind me the Carlisle's house in Twilight Saga

Prepare for the IU night

So
this is it!
gonna prepare for the IU night by now
tho I still don't know when will it happen
I suggest the theme: France
it might sound crazy for them
because we've never did it before
even I felt that way too
but I think that would great.
especially for the games
which is not from the France
but it's officially played by many people
As a result
I referred to the show
a Minute to win it
it's gonna be very exciting for them to play these games
I still don't know whether this theme will be assumed
but i gonna give it a try
the whole main thing , decision
will be made
by the hand of our president
time
again
must be wasted on it.

so France
History of France
French culture,customs and etiquette
France country profile , and this 
France Introduction 
French cuisine
French events and popular events
lots and lots of legends,traditional children games, festivities,language

here comes the game
{there's game lists in the website, search for more}

suggestion NO.2  Spain
about Spain
country profile
Spain top festivals
Traditional Dance  and this
culture of Spain
traditional games
traditional cuisine

Malacca

Yesterday
Me & mom went to Malacca
As I decided to buy the book
TWILIGHT SAGA:  BREAKING DAWN
I brought only $50
i knew it wasn't enough for me to spend for a whole day in Malacca
In such case,
dad gave mom $100
and by the way,
dad was kinda mental-sick and flu recently
so he didn't come with us.
We departed from the bus stop at 8 o'clock in the morning.

Arrived at Malacca
it's too early
even did the shopping center workers still hadn't arrive yet.
We went into the market which located just beside the Malacca central
Mom had her second breakfast
while me,
having a coffee
the coffee was not that tasty and kinda suck
Then, we had to figure it out
how to reach Mahkota Parade and Pahlawan shopping center
The worst part was
we had walked the whole Malacca central to search the direction to it
we both know we hadn't been there before even for once,
we didn't remember how we reach there.
Asked people with different answers and opinions
how do we gonna reach there!?
at first
we thought it's just not far from the bus stop.
So decided to walk to it
but then,
we decided to take on board because we asked the last person
she said it's pretty far
her expression to answer one person was like asshole
like we need to pay money for her to answer it
f**k no
"thank you"
that's all mom said to her and walked away
Just then
we both were making decision
we knew that the bus we need at that time might not be in time
so we kinda started our walking journey
just in 5 secs
I saw there's a bus to reach there
we rushed out to take seats in it
the mini bus
damn
it's too mini
even with the bus driver was short and mini
the passengers won't come together with the driver
there's a seat behind me
beside a group of noisy asshole
a girl seemed so angry took the seat on it as the driver got mad at them
and I was like out of oxygen to take a breath
I CAN'T BREATHE!
the tragedy was
when the bus turned to left or right
the bus produced a sound which terrified me
the bus was like going to fall
the accident!
omg no no
it did scare me.
so much
as soon as we reach the shopping center
all of us rushed out like a busy bee chasing a naughty boy

those discounts in the shopping center grab mom's attention
and I just stood behind her
followed her step to look for nothing
as you know
I have no money to buy those shirt and shoes
I have to buy the book with these money I have.
Almost every shop we went into
we didn't buy anything
because we didn't want to buy it even it's in a big discount
but I promised I will go there to shop because the prizes were cheap as hell
cheaper then the prizes sold in Jusco and Tesco

The Popular bookstore .
my favorite
the book
breaking dawn
costed $50
as much as I have
mom disagreed at first
but then she said it's up to me
so I bought it
I have been waiting for a long time to own that book

before we reached the bookstore
as we walked the whole bus stop
had made me hungry as hell
So,
for lunch
in the shopping center food court
I've committed a stupidity
to order Nasi Lemak
which tasted like dumb
yulk
costed $6.37 damn
even more expensive than usual
of course
i know
it's normal prize in the big city like this
I won't care for the cost but the taste the texture
I didn't wanna eat McDonald this time
I didn't know why

forget it
as long as I had bought the book home
:>

Happy

JUST BECAUSE YOU FAIL ONCE,if doesn't mean you're going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself because if you don't, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling because life's a beautiful thing, and there's so much to laugh about. 

by Marilyn Mornoe

I felt different today.
I got up from my bed
had my breakfast in front of my computer.
started to play games like usual.
I planned that I had to stop playing by 10a.m.
just to help my mom do some chores.
again yeah.
then
my dad came home awhile
This time
he didn't say anything about where he put the lunch for me
he did and took something
put on the small table
and locked the door, left.
no sound.
With just one view looked at my dad
his cold and angry eyes stared for a sec
and looked away.
I thought I did something wrong
Damnn.
ok
I looked up the clock
12.30p.m.!!1 time out!
I gotta do chores.
I shut down my p.c
swept the floor.
mopped the floor
cleaned the kitchen.
arranged everything at the kitchen.
I hoped that my work done could make my mom happy
because
last night
after attending the IU night
[yes, i attended the Iu night rather than tuition
because I'm lazy.
tho, I enjoyed the IU night organized by other school
Theme: Japan
since then, I have to think for my IU night held at my school]
I wondered where's mom
that she said she wanna go to night market.
dad said her bad temper anger came up again.
So shut my mouth up
reached my house
the mouth battle began.
the winner only for mom
because dad had no mood listen to her.
In such case,
I hoped what I did for today make her happy a little bit.

3.30p.m.
they come home.
I'm typing diary here...
as I'm typing in the beginning,
I saw her kinda happy.
she dropped the fruits suddenly
said:" ohhh!!"
sounded happily accidentally dropped the fruits.
My heart comes back peacefully and solace
She takes stuff back to the kitchen
And asked:" Am I entered the wrong house?"
" you did this?"
"of course, who else?"
as you know I'm the only one at home throughout the day.
" As a reward, finish these dumplings. I just cooked it at the restaurant."
Dammit
there's 20++ inside the plastic bag.
while eating,
i'm typing my diary here!
so kinda happy whenever I saw my mom dad are peacefully sleeping
in the afternoon
no battle
no arguing.

So yesterday
I played a game
which was totally attracted my heart into it
COVERT FRONT
first, second, third & fourth
I played four of them
So much fun!
mystery,adventure,puzzle.
I was so impressed by the author of the game
so cool
the best game EVER!

Busy saturday/

Again,

it's morning.

early in the morning.

that one thing wakes me up

which is today I have to attend 

an event called:" International Understanding Night"

at 4.30p.m. til' 7.00p.m. this evening.

and this event had bothered me so much

whether I have to attend this event

or go to account tuition.

4.30p.m. til' 6.30p.m.

both are important to me. 

How can I make a decision?

like last Thursday 

I fell off 

while walking downstairs and think at the same time?

With all the sudden

my left knee bend and knocked on the floor.

what's left.

my hand on the floor.

trying to adjust my knee back again

and stand up quickly.

Luckily,

no one noticed it except my friend.

Will it be that lucky as the circumstances now.

which this two sides make me going outta my mind?

Dammit. 

I should have know yesterday 

that I shouldn't promise account teacher I'm free 4.30p.m. today.

I'm not I'm not.

how.

phone call?

no more credits~?! 

one hope: 

waiting for my mom to call.

then I'll be able to ask her to buy me credits.

now my phone is next to me.

the shade screen I'm looking at

is not what I look for

"accept" this word is what I look for

it remind me.

how the most I need my mom and dad 

when I'm in need

how stupid I am to feel like wanna reject their call 

when they wanna care about me

where am I

what I'm doing

while I'm at the tuition

while I'm at some events

how can I regret it when it's too late?

now all I need is the call from my mom.

and where should I go this evening.

tuition? or the event?

I went to my desk 

I saw the story title:" don't hope! decide!"

it makes me fall in my own trap.

I'm dumb

and now I have to prepare the next test in October

and the test I'm going to face later in my Chemistry tuition.

shit.

   

I wanna feel like this

the moment I'm looking at the ocean. 

and think. will tomorrow be better?

at night.

I wanna stare at the moon with the cloud passing through

eye-opened dreaming about the wonderland.

it will be nice.

couldn't i?

waiting.....

That's new about life.

Today,
I supposed that I shouldn't get up from my warm bed,
to continue sleeping,
to continue have a dream tho it's a nightmare.
my body's laziness led me to get up late more then five minutes.
without even notice that my phone
had been put in the living room last night.
So, purposely.
My alarm on the phone had rang for a few times.
Dammit.
Probably there's nobody else care about it.
So, bring it on.
Then I washed my face,
brushed my teeth,
put on my school uniform,
thought it'll be a good day.
Waiting for my dad to get me.
He rushed in the house,
brought home something with a plastic on it
which I hadn't have time to take a peek.
I, who had waited impatiently for five minutes ago
walked through the door gate,
sat in the car,
looked for dad's appearance next to me
early in the morning
which by the way was about 6.55 am
a step took by him was pretty heavy
because he's kinda rushing something.
" Have you eaten?"
"whaah? no"
" the pepper hot dogs is on the table."
"whaah? oh i don't know."
yeah well, my head was slow a bit this morning,
answering with whaaah~
so
Got out from the car again,
meanwhile,
my hungry stomach was waiting for me to feed it.
Two bowls was covered up each other
to 'protect' the hot dogs from 'polluting' by the flies.
Obviously,
my mom did it.
Always.
to protect food.
But she always forget to bring it out to the stall
for my breakfast.
So let's face it.
She put in like
high up in the mountain with a tall Tupperware
but failed,
my eyes didn't catch up real fast this morning.
Maybe I was eye-opened sleeping.
I grab the bread and put the hot dog in it.
Started to chew it
forced it to swallow through my trachea,
that's pretty hurt.
i thought.
Because I hadn't have a drink
I admitted something,
the hot dog was real big
wide like a big coin.
imagine that if a 3 cm height and a big-coin wide hot dog
was forced to swallow through my trachea
I'm gonna die
But no, I did but I haven't die yet.
forget it.
My dad drove , I ate next to him.
He just put the bowl and the bread on it in front of his wheel.
Fine, i understood he was rushing for something.
I knew I'm going to be late in school.
I didn't care about that
because today was the last school day for those Muslim students
They had their New Year Days >Hari Raya Aidilfitri<
It's time for non-Muslim students to take a week-holidays break
which probably no use for me to take a break
because I have more than one thing to finish it
The folios, Account, and Moral
So, I stepped in the restaurant
which my dad had rent a small area there
run a business.> food<
My classmates and friends all there
eating noodles which was made my mom.
I walked to school then with my friends
which then I realized I wasn't the one who late.
In fact, if I did, I'm not the only one be late in school.
I would walk through the door gate proudly
Because I'm also the one who present today
which by the way there's many of them absent and
I have no idea why did i go to school today.
one word-BORED
after the assembly,
we were announced that we should go to the Chinese society room
after recess
to play indoor games.
I knew all the indoor games are all the same things as I played last year
But I enjoyed it pretty well.
So there's about 3 hours,
I was doing my Account folio
counting the numbers like counting the times to pass

During recess, I bought foods, two and a half bucks
but then I realized
there's free food because of their New Year is around the corner.
They cooked the porridge.
I took one, sat down and started to taste it.
I didn't smell it
Instead I swallowed it with a weird face
What on earth the porridge had a weird taste?
It's a sliced chicken porridge.
But the taste was not so good.
It's like ..... I don't know how to bring to word
but .... it's weird. after all.

The bell rang,
I took my bag
walked toward the room.
waiting to be served 'games'
I played with two friends, monopoly.
It's childish game and I never put away the childish things tho I had to
But the childhood was never ever been put away all by itself
because it had perpetuated in my memory. Forever.
2 hours playing.
time to go back.
I walked to my mom's stall
to had lunch.
again
I wanted to go back home
tired but well,
i spent time on playing phone's game.
Then,
i had to face the unlucky stupid idiot
whore asshore bitch fucking people I have ever seen.
The person who worked in the restaurant.
She always get annoyed.
Besides, she's a widower
no one wants her anymore.
Just get frustrated with her.

don't talk about her.
dammit.

-the end-

of the current diary

tomorrow no school! and friday no school! 

but I have tuition. 

lame.

Finally finished exam.

Just finished my three-day exams on Thursday.

Pretty hard to go through these days

Four subjects I gotta read through over one night.

Read through every each page each chapter 

made me insane.

gonna memorize formulas, definitions..

kinda tired.

being bored of it.

damn it

it's still me

I thought I'm busy because of the exam on next Tuesday.

Actually, I'm not.

'cause of the Installation dinner night in a hotel.

As a Vice Club Service Director from August 2011

I gotta give some services

and now

I'm chosen as a International Understanding Director of 2012- 2013

as a part of the Interact club of my school.

Suggest ideas, help, do the job, communicate.

That's all the common things as  a I.U Director. 

In the Friday night, 

Installation Dinner Night,

I'm the host with one of my friend.

gonna arrange and plan the schedule of the day.

No mistaken to be happened.

No wrong steps to be taken.

Last Saturday,

Like posted in my blog,

the other school had held their own Installation dinner night 

And

I want it better than theirs

I knew they're rich.

wore like a bride.

catwalk everywhere

But at least 

We want it better than theirs 

their schedule

their program

their talk

everything

tho we're not rich enough like them.

What I was worried about is 

the outfits.

that I'm gonna wear as a host in this Friday night.

they asked me to wear dress and high heels.

I'm doubt that 

I never wear dress since i was 7 years old.

except the school uniform.

That's my problem.

............

mom said she gonna take me to outfits shop 

to buy dress and shoes

i meant high heels.

I said it's not necessary 

but of course 

I have to attend one more wedding dinner night in September.

Technically,

a dinner night must have some performances 

to entertain guests.

I asked one of my friend to sing on the stage.

So she did agree if I too, sing along with her 

but with different songs

She will sings Chinese song

And I gonna sing English song.

I said my song is kinda sad.

So she have to sing with joy.

I asked her to sing with the new president of year 2013.

Why not?

other than that,

my classmates also perform their dance.

My song: nothing......

[verse 1]

Am I better off dead

Am I better off a quitter

They say I'm better off now

Than i ever was with him

As they take me to my local down the street

I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet.

They say a few drinks will help me to forget him

But after one too many I know that I'll never 

Only they can't see where this is gonna end

They all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

[Chorus]

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

'cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I'm swearing if I go there now

I can change his mind turn it all around

I know that'm drunk but I'll say a word

And he'll listen this time even though they're slurred

So I dialed his number and confessed to him

I'm still in love but all i heard was nothing

[verse 2]

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences

I know if we're face to face, then he'll come to his senses

Every drunk step i take leads me to his door

if he sees how much I'm hurting, he'll take me back for sure

[chorus]

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

'cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I'm swearing if I go there now

I can change his mind turn it all around

I know that I'm drunk but I'll say a word

And he'll listen this time even though they're slurred

So I dialed his number and confessed to him

I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

He said nothing

oh, I wanted a word but all I heard was nothing

oh I got nothing

ohh i got nothing

I wanted a word but all i heard was nothing

Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating

Oh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking,

when you realize there's no one waiting.

[chorus] repeat once.

I got nothing x 3

I hope I'll make it 

[Libby's hoping] tho

Father

" I just lit a cigarette and I'll talk a little about myself, about what I spent on the people I loved most, the disappointments, joys and unforgettable of the few who have already spent. When I was only 2 years old, my father split up and I went to live with my mother and my mother promised my father that I would never be like him and would do anything to get away from it. I was little, knew nothing of what was happening and increasingly I was farthest from my father he barely knew and talked about things so much that I ended up believing it, but you know, if I saw him once a month and spent one day with him was too much. But those moments spent with him today I see that were so sincere, that time I was four years, it was preferred to go out and get an ice cream with my mother, or win the gifts she gave me, you idiot! I grew up, got seven years and I felt strong enough to face everyone and had an audience, I arrived at the forum with my mother dropped her and ran to hug my father, when interviewed said the psychologist convinced me that he wanted to live with my father and everything that my mother had to get away from him when I got home, and I can still remember my grandfather on his mother's locked me in the back room of the waiver and said that if I did not change his attitude and wanted to live with my mother, he would hit me, would do horrible things to me and my father, I was locked up there until the morning alone, and I felt like crap, I wept and trembled with fear, until the time I called my dad at 4 o'clock in the morning talking he no longer wanted to live with him, loved him more than he asked for help and in the end they had left me locked up, took the phone from my hand and hung up, I had no more strength to do anything. My father on the other hand, today I wonder what was the size of his desperation, he tried to go there, call the police, but could do nothing. And what happened this episode was just one of over 100 different and much worse things that have happened. And even saying that I wanted to live with my father for the psychologist, once again the judge decided that I would continue living with my mother. But do not stop fighting. And even with everything that happened that were to separate me from my father never could, perhaps, was a bond that we had not only father and son, but best friends. My father was always my hero, my refuge, that I knew I could count on when everything was finished, I knew he would be there with me. I remember to this day that he went every day in my leisure hours at school, so I could look frestinha the gate, and pass me a bag of honey cakes, which I loved. Because when my mother threatened to exit the school intercom that if he let him speak to my father, would make him be dismissed because she was a friend of the director. I do not know about it without getting emotional, is, I'm crying, how difficult it is to remember that this time I'll continue writing, I will not stop here. I remember all the times that came from afar where he lived at the gate of the house of my 8 o'clock, the time that my mother had not come from work, just to say "Son, I love you, never forget it" and make a delicious pie that sold the portion Magica. And the ANC and the new year, that all his family traveled, and he stayed home alone, just for when you arrive the night trying to go in the gate of my mother's house to give me and my cousins ​​Merry Christmas with my mother forbid me to I go talk to him, it did not happen once, it was more than eight Christmases he spent alone, just to try to talk to me, just trying to give me a kiss and could have been very few times. It was getting my 10 years of age and I was afraid of my mother, and I loved her even with everything she did. I already understood a little of what happened. He had another audience, and I thought this time I'll be stronger, and I'll do, you'll end up with all these problems, I want to see who will put me afraid. Then one day before the hearing my mother came to me, apologized, cried, said he would let me see my father, it all she did was for my good, and that if I did not say he wanted to live with her need not ever talk to her she would be very upset. As I got confused with all that my mother did, I was so afraid of losing her, and I knew if I said I wanted to live with it for my father, he would not be upset with me, nor hurt, because I trusted it, and above all, I always knew he would never give up on me, and that he wanted the baby, even if far or near it. Yeah, remember that and I feel an idiot for having spoken at the hearing that he wanted to live with my mother, were more than eight years of fighting in court and when I had the chance, I wasted. But know that nothing could separate my friendship with my father apologized to him, talked and everything was fine. He told me: - Son, you wanna try again? I do not know how, but we can enter another process, will only be time consuming. And I said - But I wasted the best chance we had. And he replied: - We must never give up our happiness, we're in this together. And then we continue the battle. Over two years have passed, I was coming to my 13 years, and I could not stand that hell every day with my mother, could not stand it. One day later, I rebelled, and said he would live with my father and that she would not stop me, I packed my backpack, I took the things I had and went to sleep, said that after the school was going to live with my father. I woke up, my everything was gone, nothing was in my backpack. I went to my mother's room and woke her angry and said, give me my bag now. And just so we discussed. She tried to scream, tried to hit me, tried to cry, tried to make an all, but I've had 10 years experience, was not so easy to convince me that way, and she was not stronger than me. I remember it was then that I realized that I was much stronger than I thought and I could handle it. I say strong not only physically, but was more experienced, knew the truth, I understood what was her game. She did not know what else to do, then said: If it is to live with his father, who never come back. Wow, I marked those words, remember that scene today, but I do not shot down, leave the house and slammed the door . I took a bus and called my dad crying, my father met me, I was desperate, I was so angry with her ​​that I felt strong as the Hulk. And he as always, the only one who could calm me down, he said: Son, it's okay, I'm here. And soon I was calming myself. Desdai two years I have lived here with my father and my mother never contacted me or my grandmother or my uncles, one of her family over to me. I believe that if she really cared, she would call me or I look for in the first months up fine, but two years, you know TWO years and she even called to ask how I was, or if I needed something. In the first six months, I felt really miss her, and mingled with all the problems of adolescent relationships, with all I had in mind, I got involved with drugs, started smoking, because the minute that I was smoking all disappeared and it was so good that I forgot everything. Came home and cut myself, I have hundreds of scars on the leg today, because I was afraid that my father or some friend of mine saw me and it is thought, or Seila, thought I was crazy or something. I'm used to it over time, and I stopped smoking, I stopped cutting. And as always I was ignoring my feelings, I was putting aside the things that I felt, and as always ... accepting.

this whole story that I passed, I did not write it to feel pity or judge me. My story is just one more, is not the worst story was not life more difficult in the world that I had, but I admit it was not easy. I wrote it all, just say one thing ... Life is not easy, life is not fair and there is no victory without struggle, there is no easy happiness. If you want something, you have to fight it, fight as if the world was ending, fight with all your strength, you have to rely on itself. Do not do things just to please others or to be the "bonzão" do things you think are good for you, you arrive at night, put his head on the pillow and think ... I gave the best I could from me today, tomorrow I'll be much better than that. "